Wednesday, August 1
Have you ever felt like there is something you need to do, but you can't quite put your finger on it? This is the way I feel ALL the time, lately! I have been experiencing a complete faith over-haul over the past two months and it has brought me to this point where I know God wants more from me....more of something....but I can not quite put my finger on what it is! It all began when we went on a family mission trip to help some dear friends of ours plant a church in Spokane, Washington. I knew God had brought me to a place of complete openness and surrender in the months leading up to the trip, because everything in my life was up in the air. Every thing my husband and I thought we had figured out was suddenly turned upside down... our church home, our decision to homeschool, our future plan. God was changing each aspect of our life, removing our control and inserting his. By the time he was finished, we were leaving for a mission trip and both of us were in a state of complete surrender. And wow, did God show up!
Pinnacle church is an amazingly bright and vivacious light in a dim world in the Pacific Northwest. The church plant team is on fire for the lost... the primary purpose in each of their lives is searching out ways to get to know non-believers. My friend made this amazing statement that stopped me in my tracks...she told me she missed having fellowship with some of her dear friends from home, but she was purposefully NOT looking for a christian bible study group. She didn't want to become complacent in her mission by becoming comfortable in her own little circle, but instead wanted to be intentional in meeting and getting to know as many non-believers as possible. This statement was very convicting for me because I happen to be the QUEEN of christian bible study groups. To be completely transparent, it is almost an extracurricular activity for me. I have been know to be in as many as 4 bible study groups at a time! Don't get me wrong...I learn from these groups and relish the time I spend in fellowship with other christian women, but it never occurred to me that these groups might become a barrier to evangelism. My dear friend's heart for the lost is truly like Christ's and I am praying that I will have a similar heart and determination.
God has slowly pushed me to come to a place that I am realizing I need to re-evaluate whether or not I am intentionally using my time to glorify Him or share the gospel. He is growing in me a heart for evangelism in a way I've never had before. There have been many days since our return from Spokane that I lay my head down at night and think...wow, I truly did not do anything today with a Kingdom purpose. This thought does not help me sleep well, believe me.
So here I am, knowing that God is bringing me to a conclusion that I can't see yet. This feeling I can't shake that I need to be listening for the spirit, HARD. Interestingly, James 1:5 has been presenting itself quite often in my daily life...I trust that the more I seek wisdom from Him, the more grateful I am that He will give it to me generously, WITHOUT finding fault! I am hopeful that His purpose for me will be revealed soon, but in the mean time I am taking the steps to be much more intentional each day to reach those who need Jesus.